Here's the problem...

OK, so I need a place I can write out my thought process with my training and why I am struggling to much to come up with workable goals.

I've had a goal for several years now of reaching my "goal weight" and that has morphed into reaching my goal body fat percentage. I want to be healthy, fit, lean and strong. I know that the best way for me to achieve that goal is regular strength training, watching my macros, and doing some smart interval training. It seems simple enough, but the problem is, I love my cardio events too much!

Triathlon is what got me started. My family triathlon started lots of years ago, I went from watching, to participating as a relay, to completing the whole tri.  I loved it. It gave me motivation, it helped me not get bored because I had so many disciplines to work on, and I enjoyed it. But it never gave me the body I wanted.

Also, I never felt like a good runner. It has always bugged me to not conquer the sport of running and feel like a runner. I've tried several times and every time i've ended up injured and frustrated. And I hate that it continually beats me. I'm in a good place with running right now. I'm still battling IT band syndrome, but I feel like I have tools to help me work through that, and cardio wise I'm running better than ever. I'm still only running 2-3 miles at a time, but that's a lot better than i've done in years, and I hate to let go of any of that progress. But at the same time i'm afraid to set the goal of a half marathon and be disappointed yet again if my body doesn't let me get there. But I don't want to let it go and get back to square 1, for the millionth time.

Then there is cycling. I began to have a love for cycling. Its funny how it happened, because I remember telling people that cycling would never be "my thing". But then suddenly it became my thing 2 years ago. I think mostly that happened because I found the JDRF Ride to Cure Diabetes. It gave my workouts focus beyond races or weight loss. I loved having a purpose. But at the same time, part of me is always afraid on the bike. I hear about too many accidents, too many injuries. I have truly loved what cycling has done for me, mostly bringing me to my JDRF family, but it still makes me nervous. But, I've been able to see my improvement a lot, and I love that. I've gained a lot of cycling friends and I love being a part of that world and I hate the idea of not going to my favorite rides. And I really hate the idea of not riding with my JDRF team. So I'm not sure I could ever give it up. But centuries involve a lot of training and preparation.

Swimming. I was born to swim. I love being in the water. I was pretty darn good at it in high school, and although I'm not as good as I once was, its a place where I can thrive and get better when I put the time into it. The struggle there is that its the hardest thing for me to fit in. But whenever I go back to the pool I remember how much I love it. I haven't been in the pool in months and I hate it. I know i'd be starting from scratch but a big part of me misses it so much and wants to make is a regular part of my routine. But there just isn't time for all of it!! I can't run, thrive at cycling enough to complete centuries, swim, and lift. Its too much and it won't get me too my goals because i'll be spread too thin.

See my dilemma? The things I love won't get me to my goals. But I want to reach my goals so badly. Races keep me focused and give me deadlines. But races don't help me reach my overall goals. I want to do it all, but I know doing it all really sabotages everything. UGH. Its so hard! I've always struggled with finding focus and I'm really struggling this time. What to do???

What do I want from 2015?

Ok, so life got away from me. We have had a crazy crazy winter so far! Blogging dropped pretty low on the priority list. We bought a new house and moved in the day after Thanksgiving! Its been a whirl wind month of holiday festivities, driving around, moving, unpacking, decorating, the list of craziness goes on! But its been great. I'm sad to say that the fitness part of my life has taken a bit of a back seat too, but I'm working on getting my routine back. I never fell completely off the wagon (except with my diet, we've pretty much eaten out everyday for a month. Ugh!), but I definitely wasn't working out 6 days a week! I'm still trying to figure out my new schedule, and of course the kids are out of school right now so that doesn't help, and we are going to finish the basement starting right away, so I don't have a workout space at home right now, so its complicated! But i'll get there. Right now i'm taking a lot of time to think about what I want out of 2015, my goals are always morphing, but i'm trying to push myself and still have the goals be reachable and help me feel better about myself....I'll post them when i'm defined what I want. Tricky, tricky. But here's to another Fit and Fabulous year!