Week 1- 2016

January 1- Tough, tough workout today! Stacey wrote me a plan for the end of December and then another plan for the beginning part of January, so I jumped onto the new plan today. Phew, I think she's trying to kill me! My diet today...i'd give it about a 5/10. I forgot to eat breakfast, I ate a good lunch, and ok snack, and a crappy dinner... not a good progression for the day. But oh well, tomorrow is a new day, and at least I kicked my own butt this morning. :) I've done lots water with my water intake today, so that's a good thing at least! Taking it a day at a time...

January 2-  Today was more about getting our house in order. I had a primary activity this morning with the kids, and then we came home and Ryan and I tackled the laundry, big time! We did ALL the kids laundry, all of our laundry, AND I cleaned out my closet, the dresser, and my exercise clothes! I still have some work to do to finish things up, but I'm pretty much done! Woohoo! But, that left no time for a workout so far. My diet...I'll give it a 7/10. Still not fantastic, but better than yesterday.

January 3- Sunday. Rest day. I love Sunday.

January 4- Leg Day. Ouchie. I hate leg day, but I know its good for me. :) And I did great on my eating today! yay! I'm sure it wouldn't be perfect in some peoples opinion, but for me it was a fantastic day and I'm very happy with it.

January 5- Easy swim day. 1/2 Mile completed at the LifeTime Pool. My stomach was pretty upset today, which made me feel lousy, but it also helped me keep my eating really good. Another great food day. yay!

January 6- Wednesdays are always cycle days, but Stacey and I decided that with my stomach issues, and dealing with some dehydration that I should probably take it a little easier. I finally got Santiago (my beloved bike) on my trainer and did a nice easy ride at home. I was having some issues with my bike trainer, so it wasn't the most effective workout, but it was something, I'm glad I got moving at least. Another great eating day, i'm on a roll!

January 7- Went to work early and swam laps again. Did 3/4 of a mile today. At least I went a little farther. :) Making progress! I ate really well today in prep for a dinner I knew would be off plan. Our friends brought over pizza and I enjoyed it but didn't go overboard. yay!

January 8- Weigh-in day. Drumroll please! Down 3.2 pounds! Woohoo! All the struggle was worth it. Phew! Let's hope I can keep the ball rolling.

Goals!

Here is my starting point:

Measurements:
Weight: 172.0
Abs: 34.5"
Waist (at belly button): 37.25"
Hips: 41"
R Thigh: 24"
R Bicep: 12.5"

Its hard to post all that! Its hard to be vulnerable. But, everyone starts somewhere. And this is my starting point for 2016. Its not square one, its just a few steps back from where I've been before. So I can do this!

Here are the fitness related goals I know I want to set for this year:

1) Another JDRF ride. I'm not sure where we are headed this year, and I'm not sure how many miles we will do, but Ryan and I will tackle it again together. This has become an important part of my life and I don't see that changing any time soon.

2) Stay active. Swimming, Biking, Running, Lifting. I want to do it all, but in a balanced way. I want it to include my family when possible and be something I love, not something I dread, and not something that takes over my entire life either. Its possible to do that and be very fit! I know it is! (I am shooting for another strong performance at the Larson Cup, so this will all help too!)

3) Conquer my running demons. I've come a long way with running. I've given up more times than I can count, but I always come back to it, because I don't want it to beat me! I have always said my goal is a half marathon, and I would love to tackle that some day, if its in the cards. But for now, I just want to slowly work on my strength and distance and get back to where I enjoy going to a run now and then. I've been running a little here and there and I'm not hating it! And my body is handling it ok, so I want to stay on that path and get more miles in this year. I may not get to the half this year, and that's ok, but I'd love to work towards it. My biggest running goal of the year for now is to be able to run stronger at the Larson Cup this year. I've been doing a lot of hip strengthening work to help my running form with the hopes that that will help me reach my goal injury free this time.

4) Get back to a healthy, maintainable weight for me. I long ago gave up on my "ideal" weight according to all the charts. I have never been able to get there, and I don't think I want to, because to get there would require too much sacrifice, and probably less muscle mass, and I'm not ok with that! Last year I got down to about 148/150 and I really liked my body and felt like I was strong and healthy. I would love to be 140-150 somewhere during 2016. I don't expect to hit a goal and stay there forever, I know there will be ups and downs, but that range is a good one for my body, so that's what I'm aiming for.

5) Learn to better love myself despite the ups and downs. I'm pretty darn good at beating myself up. I've always been my own worst critic, as most of us are. I set goals and then get so frustrated with myself when I'm not perfect at them. Well, guess what Diane? No one is perfect. I can do better, but I will fail sometimes, and that's ok! Whether i'm up 20 pounds or down to my goal, there will always be things to work on, and that's ok too. I need to work on loving the journey i've been given.

2016

Here I am again, after another long hiatus, wishing I had kept up with this blog and the ups and downs of 2015. But its too hard to catch up, so I'm just going to start again...and try yet again to be better at it!

Another year coming to a close. I can't even believe it. Sometimes it feels like time is on fast forward. We've been in our new house a year, in a way it seems longer because we feel so at home here now, but I also can't believe its been that long already! I truly love where we live. I wake up every day grateful for this home, the view, and all we've been able to do to make it ours over the past year.

Physically this has been a rough year. Between when we moved in and October of this year, I had gained about 25 pounds. That made me incredibly sad! I worked SO hard in 2014, that it was brutal to feel like I'd taken so many steps backwards. But between the crazy driving schedule our first 6 months here, and the remodels and everything else, my good routines just sort of fell apart. Luckily I stayed active, though not on the same level, but I accomplished a lot of goals. Another 100 miles for JDRF, another Larsen Cup, lots and lots of spin classes, lots of Stacey workouts. I'm grateful for that.

Starting in October I got serious with Stacey again. I've been trying to track my food (although not as religiously as before, but I'm trying to get back in the groove), i've been doing Stacey's workouts again with more intensity, and I'm working on getting my old habits back. I haven't weighed in recently, but as of last weigh-in I was down about 6 or 7 pounds from my recent peak, which during this time of year is a success. I got really sick the week before Christmas, so no workouts happened then, but I've been trying to get back into the swing since I've been feeling better. I've been reading some books on new eating philosophies to see if I can find something that will really work for me to make new habits again, and i've been giving a lot of thought to my goals for 2016. I always struggle with how to set physical goals for myself, my mind is always scattered with all the many things I would like to accomplish, and prioritizing them is hard for me! So i'm still working on it. I definitely didn't stick to the plan for this last year. I want this year to be 1) Maintainable 2) Realistic 3) Challenging 4) A little out of my comfort zone! I want to get back to a maintainable body that I can be proud of, but still live life and enjoy life. I know its possible. I've been there! I just have to get back.

Larson Cup 2015

Time for a race report! I was pretty nervous going into the Larson Cup this year. I had been training, but my whole heart wasn't in it. I was doing fine, but nothing exceptional. I also joined a July challenge called IronMan in a month where you have to complete 2.4 Mile Swim, 112 Mile Bike, and 26.2 Mile Run during the month of July. The bike and swim aren't too hard for me to do that much of in a month, but 26 miles of running is a lot for me! So that helped with the training a bit, but I was still scared. I don't know why I always work myself up so much when I know the family is mostly not training at all, but I put a lot of pressure on myself! After the pasta dinner Friday night I was a bit more scared. Several of my cousin's daughters were competing and those young things made me nervous!

Race morning came and my nerves were up, but I was ok, I felt fairly ready. The kids race was first, Beth did the whole kids race! I was so proud! It was tough for her, but it was awesome. James and Kate both ran the mile, they killed it too! Proud mama. I was only there to watch Kate cross the finish line, but it was awesome. Before the kids were all back we had to get the adult race going. The swim always makes me nervous because I've always been first out of the water, so I feel pressure to be first out of the water! My cousin's daughter is on the swim team and had told me she would probably do it in 7-8 minutes and I knew I couldn't compete with that, so I told myself to just stay calm and find a comfortable pace. About half way through I realized I was ahead of her! I didn't want to get my hopes up, but I was feeling good and at ease in my pace. When I finished the timers said "is that it??" I double checked my GPS watch and I was indeed done, so I hoped out and ran to transition. I had done the 500 meters in 8:47! That's a whole minute faster than I had been pacing it in training, I was shocked. I hoped on my bike and got going. My bike felt a little off, I don't know what it was exactly, my chain was clanky and it just felt off. But I managed. The hill was as hard as I remembered it, but I completed my first loop in under 10 minutes which was my goal. Each loop got a little easier, but it was a tough ride. Headwind and that "off" feeling, but I kept on pace. I was pretty wasted when I got to T2, but I was first girl off the bike, I got my shoes changed, walked to the top of the parking lot and started jogging, it was slow but I was running. I made it about a mile before I needed a walk break, which I was happy about. At that point my achilles and calves were tightening up, but usually a walk break will ease that, it wasn't as helpful as I wanted but it was ok. I kept walking and jogging to the hill, my plan all along had been to walk to hill, no reason to torture my legs for a couple extra minutes. But shortly into the hill my legs were freaking out! My calves had totally seized up. They hurt a lot! I had to stop walking a couple of times and stretch just to keep moving forward. Once the road flattened out a bit I was able to job some, but it was still a challenge. That's when Emma passed me, dang it! And not long after that Misty caught me. Misty encouraged me to run with her and I did for a while, I was hoping to stay with her to the finish, but my legs just wouldn't let me. I had to take one more walk break, so she got ahead of me and I ended up 3rd place woman. Not the win I was hoping for, but I was overall happy with my performance. Running has always been my weakness, I know that, and I obviously have some work to do still, but at least my other events went well. It was a fun day! I'm glad I did it. I have work to do before next year, but I know I can do it.

My mind still isn't completely together with my eating and fitness goals, Ryan and I have both been struggling, but we are trying. Our century training is going well, a couple longs rides is all that's left before we ship the bikes off! Just about 3 weeks until we head to the ride, and from there to the Bahamas! I won't have the swim suit body I was hoping for back by then, but I can make some progress at least. 

Time for an update

Ok, so I like to keep it real here. Its obviously been a while since I've posted, and that's mostly because I haven't been in my best head space.

We moved into a new house in late November, that was a lot of upheaval. Then we almost immediately started renovations on the new house, that included parts of the kitchen. So of course we ate out a lot, and our routines were very disturbed. I added an hour and half of drive time to the kids schools to my day after the move so my days got very busy and I got very stressed! So...fast forward 6 months...I've gained 15 pounds. Ugh. I know its not the end of the world. I've still been exercising, just not as religiously. My fitness level is not where it used to be, but its not terrible. I've been slowly working on getting all my good habits back, and I know I will get there, but i've made some work for myself. Oh well! Life has its ups and downs. Fitness is a journey, a life long journey, I won't always be in the top shape of my life. And that's ok, its not the most important thing in life. I'm still being active, i'm still doing my best to be a good example to my kids.

So now what? We are going to the Bahamas in 3 months, so I have a timeline and some goals! I also have the Larson Cup triathlon and the JDRF century coming up this summer, so that gives me some focus for my workouts. I'm getting back on the bandwagon, but trying to keep a healthy perspective on food, and on my body. My body will always be imperfect and that's ok! But I can take baby steps back to the best shape of my life!

Here's the problem...

OK, so I need a place I can write out my thought process with my training and why I am struggling to much to come up with workable goals.

I've had a goal for several years now of reaching my "goal weight" and that has morphed into reaching my goal body fat percentage. I want to be healthy, fit, lean and strong. I know that the best way for me to achieve that goal is regular strength training, watching my macros, and doing some smart interval training. It seems simple enough, but the problem is, I love my cardio events too much!

Triathlon is what got me started. My family triathlon started lots of years ago, I went from watching, to participating as a relay, to completing the whole tri.  I loved it. It gave me motivation, it helped me not get bored because I had so many disciplines to work on, and I enjoyed it. But it never gave me the body I wanted.

Also, I never felt like a good runner. It has always bugged me to not conquer the sport of running and feel like a runner. I've tried several times and every time i've ended up injured and frustrated. And I hate that it continually beats me. I'm in a good place with running right now. I'm still battling IT band syndrome, but I feel like I have tools to help me work through that, and cardio wise I'm running better than ever. I'm still only running 2-3 miles at a time, but that's a lot better than i've done in years, and I hate to let go of any of that progress. But at the same time i'm afraid to set the goal of a half marathon and be disappointed yet again if my body doesn't let me get there. But I don't want to let it go and get back to square 1, for the millionth time.

Then there is cycling. I began to have a love for cycling. Its funny how it happened, because I remember telling people that cycling would never be "my thing". But then suddenly it became my thing 2 years ago. I think mostly that happened because I found the JDRF Ride to Cure Diabetes. It gave my workouts focus beyond races or weight loss. I loved having a purpose. But at the same time, part of me is always afraid on the bike. I hear about too many accidents, too many injuries. I have truly loved what cycling has done for me, mostly bringing me to my JDRF family, but it still makes me nervous. But, I've been able to see my improvement a lot, and I love that. I've gained a lot of cycling friends and I love being a part of that world and I hate the idea of not going to my favorite rides. And I really hate the idea of not riding with my JDRF team. So I'm not sure I could ever give it up. But centuries involve a lot of training and preparation.

Swimming. I was born to swim. I love being in the water. I was pretty darn good at it in high school, and although I'm not as good as I once was, its a place where I can thrive and get better when I put the time into it. The struggle there is that its the hardest thing for me to fit in. But whenever I go back to the pool I remember how much I love it. I haven't been in the pool in months and I hate it. I know i'd be starting from scratch but a big part of me misses it so much and wants to make is a regular part of my routine. But there just isn't time for all of it!! I can't run, thrive at cycling enough to complete centuries, swim, and lift. Its too much and it won't get me too my goals because i'll be spread too thin.

See my dilemma? The things I love won't get me to my goals. But I want to reach my goals so badly. Races keep me focused and give me deadlines. But races don't help me reach my overall goals. I want to do it all, but I know doing it all really sabotages everything. UGH. Its so hard! I've always struggled with finding focus and I'm really struggling this time. What to do???

What do I want from 2015?

Ok, so life got away from me. We have had a crazy crazy winter so far! Blogging dropped pretty low on the priority list. We bought a new house and moved in the day after Thanksgiving! Its been a whirl wind month of holiday festivities, driving around, moving, unpacking, decorating, the list of craziness goes on! But its been great. I'm sad to say that the fitness part of my life has taken a bit of a back seat too, but I'm working on getting my routine back. I never fell completely off the wagon (except with my diet, we've pretty much eaten out everyday for a month. Ugh!), but I definitely wasn't working out 6 days a week! I'm still trying to figure out my new schedule, and of course the kids are out of school right now so that doesn't help, and we are going to finish the basement starting right away, so I don't have a workout space at home right now, so its complicated! But i'll get there. Right now i'm taking a lot of time to think about what I want out of 2015, my goals are always morphing, but i'm trying to push myself and still have the goals be reachable and help me feel better about myself....I'll post them when i'm defined what I want. Tricky, tricky. But here's to another Fit and Fabulous year!