So, last year I was training for my first half marathon. I was determined to conquer running, something I had never really done, and certainly had never been good at. I got to 8 miles in my training, feeling pretty darn good, when I was out of no where struck with IT Band syndrome. It was miserable and painful. I spent the next 6 months or so visiting a doctor that specialized in injury trying to work through it. It never really got better. I mean I did eventually feel some relief, but if I ever tried to run for very long it would come back. After my surgery last December, I was obviously forced to take a break from running, and I was hoping the complete rest would help. It actually did help, I've been very slowly starting to run again. I started using the Couch to 10k program to ease me in, I went to a running specialist and got some tips on fixing my form to prevent problems, I spent a boatload of money on new shoes, and I was determined. I've been feeling pretty good with it and got all fired up about again attempting a half marathon, and a half ironman, a couple of races that have been my goals for a while, mostly because I don't like that running beat me last year. And i'm stubborn. Well, yesterday I did my first outdoor run, i've been doing all of my training on the treadmill because its a little easier on my IT band, and man did I not enjoy it one bit. Haha! I'm signed up for a 5k on Monday, a cause that is special to me, and I was excited to do it, and I still will do it, but I can't really say i'm excited right now. Haha. Running is really hard on my body. Some bodies seem built for it, and for some reason, mine just really doesn't like it. I know that if I am very patient I could eventually be a runner, but the question i've been asking myself is, "Is it worth it?" And maybe its the pain in my legs, or the memory of yesterdays run talking, but today I can so, No, its not worth it. I've been talking to my trainer about it, and she agrees. She is an ex-marathon runner who decided 3 years ago that running wasn't worth the stress it was putting on her body, so she switched to cycling.
There is still part of me that doesn't want to give it up. The stubborn part of me that says then I would be letting running win, it would officially beat me. The part of me that likes saying i'm a triathlete. The part of me that set the goals to run a half marathon and complete a half ironman. So, today i'm kind of in mourning. Mourning for the runner I thought I was, for the races i'll have to let go of, for the running friends I will never be able to keep up with. I will still run a little, I can't give up on the Larson Cup, the triathlon that basically got me into my fitness journey, but I will only do the bare minimum and focus on taking time off my swim and bike to make up the difference. I will do triathlons, but mostly relays. I'm a strong swimmer. I'm a strong cyclist. I'm an athlete. I can be fit, healthy, strong, competitive, and not be a runner. I keep saying these things to myself today. I really do believe them, but I've said them before and then got caught up in running again, caught up in the need to be and do everything. But for now, i'm done with that. I want to be an athlete for life. I want a strong, healthy, injury free body that will serve me for decades to come. I want that more than I want a half marathon medal. And for those that know how much I love getting medals, you'll know that means a lot. :) I know i'll have friends who will try and convince me not to give up, but I need to tell myself, i'm not giving up. I'm making the choice that is best for my body in the long run. And that is OK! So, i'm gonna feel a little sad today, and then i'm going to go kick butt on a bike and forget about it. I'm gonna do my 5k and not care one bit if I walk most of it. I'm going to relay a half ironman race in a few months and be grateful that I can swim a strong leg for my team, and cheer our runner on as she does what I cannot. And I will be ok with that.
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