Hi, My name is Diane and I'm a diet-a-holic

I've been doing pretty good with this intuitive eating thing. I'm certainly far from perfect, but I'm making progress. I had a phone call with my Nutrition Counselor again this week and she was impressed with my progress. I have this habit of trying to conquer everything at once, even when it is super overwhelming, and then being frustrated when I fail to conquer it all. That's one of the reasons I wanted to talk with my Nutrition Counselor again. I wanted to have her help me find some focus because I was trying to do it all at once and I was worried I was going to fall flat on my face again and be frustrated. She talked through what i've been doing and some good areas to focus on, and I felt pretty good about where I am at, and came away with some specific things to work on. Feeling empowered I went on with my day, had a nice treat in the evening, felt no guilt and went to bed with a smile.

The very next day I wake up to a message in my Facebook mailbox from a friend who recently started doing health coaching for one of the many food companies out there with a diet/meal replacement/meal plan. I've worked for several of these companies, and enjoyed all of them, and I'm glad she has found one she loves and is working for her. But it seriously felt like someone was handing a drink to an alcoholic. (I do not mean to make light of anything, but that really is how I feel about diets. I am addicted to them, they take over my brain and I'm always looking for the next great diet plan to help me reach my goal weight). I came home and told Ryan I felt like I needed a AA sponsor, but for diets. I've been thinking about my friends note for two days now. She's lost 12 pounds on it, and said the average is 10 pounds a month, and how amazing it is. UGH. I can feel it pulling me. Man, would I love to drop a quick 10 pounds. But I know how diets work for me, or don't work I should say. I sometimes lose the first couple of weeks, but then I fall apart and gain it back and hate myself. I've spend SO MUCH money trying all of those diets out there.

I tried to find something new to throw my focus towards, I've been enjoying exercise, and I've really enjoyed trying to find what it is I really enjoy doing! I have my family triathlon coming up in a couple months so I decided to find a training plan and get myself out there training. I ran a couple miles yesterday, and got out on my bike for the first time this Spring. It was nice being out in the sunshine and just moving my body. I tried not to think about how many calories I was burning, or how fast I was going, just tried to enjoy it (Although I did use my watch and track my distance and time, because I obsess over keeping track of all my miles :) ). Those mean comments to myself still popped into my head now and then. It was hard to avoid noticing how much harder running and riding is carrying the extra pounds around, but I did it. I ended the workouts with a smile on my face. I ate when I was hungry and tried to acknowledge what my body was telling me it needed.

This is a process. There is no doubt about the fact that it will take time for me to figure this all out. For my body to trust me, and for me to trust my body, and for my body to find its natural weight. I will figure out how to eat, and how to not always wonder about that diet, or that supplement, or how not to stand in front of the mirror and notice every flaw. My body is strong, my mind is strong. I can do this. One step at a time.