One of the big aspect of Intuitive Eating that i've been working on is have a more positive attitude toward myself and my body. That is no easy task! With the way society raises us to think of our bodies as imperfect and something we need to fix, its hard to just let your body be, and be positive toward it, no matter what state its currently in.
Somedays I do better than others, some days I can remember what an amazing thing my body is. The fact that is can move, and exercise, and the fact that it has carried me thousands of miles on a bike. The fact that it has birthed 3 children, and healed from 3 c-sections, and numerous other surgeries. Even just the basic fact that my body was created in the image of God, that's pretty astounding. Just having a body, let alone a healthy active one, should be considered one of our greatest gifts! And some days I do really well to remember that. Some days I can look in the mirror and be proud of my body and accept it as it is.
Other days, not so much. Some days all I see is that my face is too round, my arms too jiggly, my belly to bumpy, and my thighs touch too much, and I have cellulite, and my clothes are too tight, or the ones that fit are a size I don't want to be. Some days I can hardly stand to look in the mirror and feel like crying or hitting something when I do.
Its all part of this journey, and I'm working on being able to reframe those negative thoughts when they come. I still always have those thoughts in the back of my mind, that say someday I'll be smaller again, and someday I'll feel confident in my body again. And I hope those things are true, but I'm working on loving myself as I am. As hard as that is some days, i'm really learning how important of a step that is.
So, some of the things I'm doing to help me with my self image through this process...I went and bought some new clothes. I tried to ignore sizes as much as I could, and just picked some cute comfortable things that I could wear without judging myself. I've probably lived 90% of the past few months is sweats and oversized t-shirts so I didn't have to squeeze into my too small clothes. I'm the first to admit that I love comfy clothes and would live in pajamas if I could, but constantly wearing baggy, ill-fitting, lazy looking clothes didn't do a lick of good for my self-esteem. I still wear a lot of workout clothes and comfy stuff, but I like getting dressed in real clothes that I can feel good about, so I needed to make sure I had some on hand.
I'm trying to do my hair more often (although it is very tricky when I work in a swimming pool three days a week...my hair is always wet!), and although I'm not a big make-up wearer, putting on a little now and then does a lot for how I feel. I'm also trying to take a little more time to work on myself and do those little personal things that make me feel so much better, like pedicures, and getting my eye brows waxed, and having a hair appointment now and then, and even a massage when I can. I've let a few of those things go for a while and I can tell they have an affect on me! I'm getting my eyebrows and toes done this week, I will figure out a time! I know it will make a world of difference for me. Just those little things.
I made a big grocery list with lots of meal options the other day and did all the shopping yesterday. Its so much easier to meal plan when I am thinking of foods that I like to eat, and that I like to cook, and not worrying so much about how those meals will affect my "diet". I really feel like I spent a lot of time over the last year trying to make healthy meals that would be perfect food, but then I was never satisfied, I would spend the rest of the day sulking wishing for the foods I actually wanted, and usually giving in and eating them anyway, totally destroying in good affect those "perfect" meals had. So, now I'm just going to make food. Homemade, good tasting, balanced food. And I'm going to sit down with my family more and let my kids watch me eat the foods we love, and talk and smile while we do it. I think those sorts of moments do a lot of good for my self esteem too. I like when I cook a successful meal that the family enjoys, it makes me feel good.
So, its all baby steps, but i'm taking them...One step at a time I will get where I need to be.
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