This run seemed kind of like a nice reprieve after the 20 minute run earlier in the week. It was still hard though. But, I was glad to be back outside with Ryan! My achilles were super mad after the long run, which was annoying, but I recovered well. The runs get longer and longer from this point, so I'm a little nervous, but excited to be making real progress. I'm seeing my sports medicine guy once a week right now to make sure I stay on top of possible injuries, but I think I'm doing well at this point!
I thought I would take a second now to talk about the rest of my fitness journey as it stands right now. I'm kind of at a weird crossroads right now that I can't really figure out in my head. I spend a lot of time thinking about where I am right now, and where I want to be. I'm generally happy with my fitness level. I can go out on a long bike ride, no problem. I can workout 6 days a week, several of those days being double workouts, and i'm great. My run is improving, I'm lifting a little heavier all the time, but somehow, I've plateaued again, or possibly even gone backwards a little bit. I feel a bit fluffy. I know its my diet. I've been really really struggling with finding my nutrition niche again. I have spent the entirety of this year tracking my food pretty meticulously, and I think I just hit major burnout. I haven't seen a big drop on the scale or body fat %, and its hard to be that careful and think about food so much without seeing big changes (I did see a big drop from January to April, and then have bounced around since then). I get to the point where thinking about food all of the time makes me crazy and pushes me off the deep end. I end up binging on junky food because i'm frustrated. Which I know is the total wrong thing to do. I get annoyed at myself because I have learned a lot about nutrition. I know the kinds of foods to eat, I know the combinations of food to eat, I know what serving sizes look like. I know how to eat. But for some reason I don't trust myself, so I track everything and then beat myself up every time I slip up. Or I do the most silly thing and don't put the junk food into my food diary, like it doesn't count if I don't write it down. Ha! I'm sad that i've let myself slip back so far from when I was at my best this year. I know there was a point this year where I was eating mostly healthy, having an occasional treat, feeling satisfied, and feeling happy with myself and my body. I know there is a sweet spot for me, I just really can't seem to find it right now. I've been eating terribly for the past couple of weeks, and I can tell! But i've just been so frustrated. I even went and talked to my doctor and asked him to check my thyroid and all my hormones and stuff and see if there is something physical that is making it so hard for me to break through difficult plateaus. My blood work came back completely normal and healthy. I can't be sad about that, but it is frustrating to know that there is no easy fix for whatever this is.
So the questions I've been asking myself are 1) How badly do you want to hit that body fat % goal? 2) What are you willing to sacrifice for it? 3) Is there a point where you just learn to be content where you are and stop stressing about it all so much? 4) Can you find a happy medium between relaxing and still moving forward to your fitness and body fat goals?
I don't have any answers. I'm really trying to spend some time to get my head straight. To figure out what the answers are. To find my happy spot where I can stop beating myself up so much. The place where I can love myself as I am ,but still have forward moving goals. I know that place exists. I just haven't found it yet. I think running is helping me, its something that has been impossible for me to conquer and now i'm making good strides toward conquering it. So I just need to do the same in the nutrition realm. So that's where i'm at right now. My brain is a little muddled, but I'll keep working on it.
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