4 months!

Its been 4 month. Crazy. Life is good.

These are my feelings today I posted on Facebook:

Sometimes trying to live a healthy lifestyle feels really hard. Birthday weeks are like that. But I don't want to turn back. I want to get to the point where its easier and I don't have to flex my willpower quite so often. But i'm making progress. We went to Chuck-a-rama tonight for James birthday and I didn't gorge myself. Or eat 3 desserts. Tomorrow is the pizza and cake party. I will definitely need to practice my will power then. But I've already planned out my day for tomorrow to help me stay on track. I don't expect perfection from myself. Just progress. I am strong. I am healthy. I am a roll model for my children and family. I have jeans to fit in, beaches to enjoy, hills and miles to conquer. Those are more important than a slice of cake.

Its true. Sometimes doing things the healthy way is hard. But its worth it. I'm feeling better and better every day. I'm proud of myself and my body. I'm pushing myself to limits I didn't know I could. Its worth it. Here are my progress pictures from this week. Week 1 with my goal jean, and this week, Week 3 with my goal jeans. I definitely see and feel a difference. I only lost 1.6 pounds in March, but i'm leaning up, and I have more muscle. Here's to April!

16 Weeks Post-op!

I can't believe its been 4 months almost (next week). I'm feeling great. Changes now are small since most of my swelling is gone, so its just a few little pockets left. Now the changes are just from my workouts and eating! Bye bye fat, hello muscle! I still take pictures every week and note any small change I can. I love that I can look at myself now and see the positive changes that are happening. Two weeks ago I bought some goal jeans, size 27 Silvers, I've been trying them on weekly and noting how they fit me a little better each time. They are close to being a great fit, still a touch snug, but I could wear them in public if I wanted to (and that's during the lovely time of the month, aka Bloat season)! Another couple of weeks and I think I'll be there. I've really been trying to focus hard on my food intake. I've been watching my macros and this week upped my protein fairly significantly. Its hard eating this much protein! But I know my body is loving it. I have been really good about not worrying about the scale, I'll post at the end of the month for March's results, but whether its a lot or a little that i've lost, I know I am stronger and everything is tightening up! My workouts this month are focused on stoking my metabolism, and man are they hard! Rest-based sprint intervals, and crazy timed weight training circuits among lots of cycling and walking. Its fun, but crazy! And they make me TIRED! :) I'm still working with Stacey and loving every stinking minute of it. She is so great. She is doing similar workouts to me and we report to each other every day. I love having her friendship and motivation during every step of the way. I'm sure I would have fallen off the wagon at least 5 times in the last 2 months without her.

Goal Jeans:

In other news, this week is my 10th wedding anniversary! I can't believe its been 10 years. I'm so lucky to have my husband by my side. I could not have gone through the surgery without him, and I couldn't do everything I am doing now to get fit without him. He is doing it right along with me and is down over 35 pounds! I'm so proud of him and so glad we are working together in this life. I'm a lucky girl. :) 4 1/2 more weeks til we hit the Caribbean together to celebrate. Woot!!

Refocus

Its funny how a few days can change things. I was in such a good spot last week. I'm not saying i'm not in a good place now, but I let the scale get in my head a little this week. I've been focusing so much on my eating, and its hard when you are working so hard, and focusing so well, to not see big changes on the scale. I know I'm doing things the right way, and I know I am SO much healthier than I used to be, and most of the time I'm totally ok with all of that and I don't care what the scale tells me. But this week it has been jumping around a little, and making me crazy! I start to second guess how I'm feeling about my body because of a crazy number on a scale. A number that is affected by my food and water intake, by the time of the month, by the time of day, by the workout I did yesterday...obviously its not a reliable thing!! So I went downstairs. I did my workout. I planned my eating. And I took my weekly progress pictures. I made a few collages of some before and after pictures. There is only a small difference in weight in these pictures (I think about 5 lbs)! Obviously the scale doesn't say it all. I'm leaner, i'm healthier, i'm stronger. I really am seeing significant differences in how my body is performing. The numbers i'm producing at spin class every week say a lot! I'm more powerful and I have more endurance. So once again i'm reminding myself that the scale DOES NOT MATTER. I bought a pair of jeans this week that I want to wear on our trip next month. I can get them on, but they are snug, on purpose. I will prove to myself that the work I am doing is working. Those pants will fit me beautifully by the time we leave. I'm sure of it. Tomorrow is my last workout from month 2 with my trainer. I'm excited to see what she has in store for me in month 3! 

Life is Good!!

I am in such a good mood today. Seriously. :) Yesterday was another cycle class with Stacey. It was probably the hardest workout I have ever done. We did time trials, which basically means we warmed up, then pushed hard for 10 minutes, 3 different times, and tried to beat ourselves in distance each time. Let me tell you, 10 minutes is a long time when you are working that hard! It was so so hard, I had to tell myself a lot of times not to quit. My body was totally exhausted! But I did it. I beat myself every time, and I pushed really hard. I was very proud of how I did when we were done. On the way home I was thinking about it and literally broke down in tears. I have spent years not liking myself. I've spent years feeling like I can't do hard things. And yesterday I proved to myself that I am not that person anymore. I didn't back down from the challenge. I pushed harder than I thought I could, and I overcame! And I was proud of myself! I've been proud of my body, I've been happy with the mirror, I haven't let the scale control me. And I feel free! I feel happy! As tired as I was yesterday, and still am today, I am in a fantastic mood. The scale was even up today, and I know its because I pushed my body to new limits, and I didn't let that number control how I felt today. I'm really like this new person I'm becoming and I plan to hang on to it for dear life.

Today I went in for my second Laser Hair Removal treatment. I talked a lot with the technician about my journey, and after it was over I showed her some of my progress pictures, and I was so happy to do it. I was so happy to talk about how hard i've worked, the time I'm putting into my recovery, my body, my nutrition. I didn't take the easy way out. Surgery certainly helped me improve my body and my mind set, but I did a ton of work before and after to get to where I am. And I'm going to keep pushing myself and making new breakthroughs.

Here are pictures from this morning. I'm loving my waist! Everything is still healing really well. My scar is still really noticeable as you can see, but I feel like its smoothing out really well and lightening up a little all the time. And I don't give it one second of thought. I'm fine with my scar and stretch marks!

3 Months Post-op!

I can't believe its been 3 months! I'm feeling great. I've lost 4.6 pounds in the last month too. Woot! Still a little swollen, I'm ready for that to be done, but I'm super happy! My workouts are going great, i'm pushing hard, and feel like i'm ready for more. My nutrition is on better track then it has ever been. I've finally found a niche. I don't feel super deprived, I don't feel hungry all the time. Am I more choosy about what I put in my mouth? Yes! But I've had some cake, i've had some pizza, i've had some crackers, i've had chocolate covered strawberries. I'm not avoiding all the good stuff! I'm just much more choosy about what and how much and when I eat it. I'm so glad i've found something that's working for me! I'm feeling strong and healthy. I'm starting to see muscle definition again. I feel like my goals are within reach, for real, for the first time in a very long time. I'm just a few pounds from my next big goal. And I know I will reach that! I'm done fighting with my body, now i'm working with it and we are getting along. :) I see positive things every time I look in the mirror. Do I still have some body issues and part of my body I don't like? Yeah...but they don't take over my mind anymore. I can look at my body and say, "i'm looking good! look at the progress i've made!". It is making all the difference. Hooray for self-esteem again. Hooray for getting along with my own body! I forgot to take progress pictures today, so I will take some soon and post. The changes are small every week, but there are changes, and for that I am grateful! Bring on March!

10 Weeks Post-op!

I'm feeling fantastic! I've got my diet under control, with the help of my trainer Stacey, the scale is moving again, I see things tightening up. I'm super happy with what I see in the mirror for the first time in my recent memory. Its a great feeling to be pushing myself hard and enjoying the fruits of that labor! I still have a bit of swelling, especially after a hard workout, but overall I'm so happy.

Today I did another Cycle class with Stacey. It was super hard. I was struggling physically and mentally. It was a class about hill climbing, something I desperately need to work on. I've always had a bit of a mental block when it comes to climbing. I used to carefully plan all of my cycling routes to avoid any big hills, which is hard to do in Utah! Last year I pushed myself to climb a little more, and I know I can handle more than I think I can, and I learned to enjoy some climbing, but last summer I did one really big hill. I was scared going in. I was scared all the way up. I got off my bike many times. I almost quit a bunch of times. I did eventually make it to the top, but I hated every minute of it and felt like a failure for struggling so much with it. And ever since then hills stress me out! I'm glad I have Stacey to push me in these classes, to teach me that I am stronger than I think, and that i'm putting in the work to be able to conquer whatever it is I want to conquer. I don't think I'll be going back to that hill anytime soon, but maybe someday I can conquer it for real. The picture below is my profile picture on Facebook right now. Its what I tell myself every day as I start my workout or think about my goals. And its true. I know it is. I am stronger today that yesterday and i'll be stronger yet tomorrow. One day at a time!

Nutrition

I've got the workouts going, I'm feeling strong and motivated, but I have to say I've been letting my nutrition slip the last couple of weeks, between the flu and a family vacation, i've just been slacking. I know that no amount of exercise will show me the results I want if I don't reign in the food i'm taking into my body. So, I'm rededicated to that part of my life. I really struggle with eating too many carbs and too much sugar, so I'm reigning it in, tracking what I eat and trying to focus on eating more of the good stuff so I will be too full for the bad stuff. I'm home from church today with a sick baby, and usually I use the excuse of a lazy day to snack too much, but not today. So far i'm right on track, and I plan to stay that way. I'm not going to deny myself everything, I go crazy doing that, but I can definitely cut back. I went shopping yesterday and made a healthy, lower carb, higher protein meal plan for this week. I'm hoping that a couple weeks back on track and I will remember how much better I feel eating this way! I'd be lying if I said the snacks in the cupboard weren't calling my name, but like they say, "Will power is a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it gets." So today i'm doing a lot of flexing of my will power muscles. :)

On another note, I finally got the ok to take off the surgical binder. I'm still wearing it sometimes, it helps my back and abs feel stronger, especially while I exercise, and it helps with the swelling, but its nice to get breaks from it. My incision is healing really well, just a small scab left, woot! And i'm going from seeing the doctor every 1-2 weeks to every 6-8 weeks. Woot! Almost back to normal. :)